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And then I started to hear it: that rote, robotic tone in my voice as I told that hysterical anecdote about the road trip to Nevada. The sheer mathematical volume was turning me into an asshole.I started watching women and seeing patterns instead of people: Not to get all Louis C. here, but online dating is some radically underrated, the-future-is-now stuff. Besides, no lady has ever been swept off her feet by a pop-up box that says "Yo."Let's be honest: Online dating is a numbers game, and the majority of people you come across aren't going to work out for one reason or another.Here's your getaway plan for every step along the way.It's a little weird at first, trusting a computer algorithm to pair you off.But three weeks (and six dates) from now, you'll realize that online dating is, for better and worse, just like regular dating—and not, sadly, like ordering a pizza online. It's boring, but dating-site handles aren't eligible for the Pulitzer.I think that about covers it.""Hello I am funs human from Romania. I LIVE IN MOMENT."_—Drew Magary _No pressure, but that first message is as do-or-die as it gets in online dating. "We've found that subtle self-deprecation works great," says Langston, "and that a joke works out terribly." Mention a common interest from her profile—we both like skiing! Compliment her ironic Kanye shades, sure— just not any part of her actual body._—Julianne Smolinski _You want to suck the air out of a potential first date?

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The process is a mild inconvenience, not a confession or a trap, so just chalk it up to the cost of being proactive. This sounds like some type of Yoda koan, but try to talk about what you like, not .I have a CRAZY job and travel ALL THE TIME: Little Rock, Reno, Raleigh... Sometimes I think I should slow down, because I just wanna live in the moment. ""I'm an ambitious 36-year-old with a high-profile job. Sorry, couch potatoes and guys making less than 6K.I run marathons on Saturdays and triathlons on Sundays. DON' T WASTE MY TIME.""Here goes nothing: I'm a 29-year-old gal who just moved from Boston.Also, there's a specific place for you to talk up your hobbies, and it's not your handle, ILike Sexn Soccer. (And if they were, Ding Dong 9Inch Wong would take it every year.) All a username has to convey is "I'm not crazy." Your profile can take it from there.Wouldn't this same sentiment—"I enjoy playing soccer in the park, and an active sex life is important to me"—sound less caveman-ish in your actual profile? Davidson: "People need to see your face, but shooting up close with a wide-angle lens makes your nose look bigger.

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